Thursday, December 25, 2008

Hopes and Dreams

There are days I anxiously wonder where my life is going. Is this it? I feel as though something is still missing! Not all the puzzle pieces have been placed! I mean life is okay, even good really, but has my life already reached its full potential? My unrealized dreams taunt me and in the darkest places of my heart I begin to question God’s goodness and plan for my life. Does he even have a plan?!

In Matthew 6:34 it says [D]on’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time.

Sometimes I wonder how to do that. Does anyone really trust God so much they don’t concern themselves with tomorrow, next week, or next year? It almost seems foolish in a way, to trust that much. But then I remember God’s love for me. That he gave him son to die for me.

1 John 3:16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.

So here is the disconnect - I know God loves me enough to send his son to die for me yet I still don’t completely trust him in my day to day life. I’m not quite sure he is putting the puzzle together right and feel as though I need to step in and give him some pointers…at least show Him where the key pieces go! I know it is wrong; I can feel I am somehow being defiant. Like a stubborn child who refuses to let go of a favored toy, I grip tightly to my dreams, frightened that the slightest loosening will cause them to fall and shatter. The broken dream’s jagged edges will tear at my skin and pain will surely follow.

But what if God wants to give me something better? Maybe there is a plan that is far greater than any dream I could have conceived for myself. How will I accept it when my hands are so full? Slowly (and I mean slowly!) I am learning to loosen the grip and keep my hands empty. It stings a little, but as my palms are allowed to experience fresh air, they begin to heal. Now that I’m not concentrating so hard on holding on to my desires, I can clearly see the many amazing things God has already done and is currently doing in my life. I see the beauty and joy in the life and people around me. The amazing life God has already given me. My heart smiles, and at the same time I feel rather foolish. How could I have missed it? By focusing so hard on my plan, I had become blinded to the wonder and amazement around me. Now I feel a freedom. A freedom only someone who is fully known and loved can accept and appreciate. A freedom to love in return and live life to the fullest today, to not worry about tomorrow. If only it hadn’t taken me so long to see.

Instead of holding so tightly to my hopes and dreams, I can welcome whatever God has set before me. Instead of mourning a life that has yet to come, I can appreciate the joy of today and delight in the love of my Savior.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

1 Corinthians 2:9
“No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him.”

Philippians 4:5-7
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

By ceasing for a moment to consider my own wants I have begun to learn better what I really wanted. ~C.S. Lewis

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