Sunday, July 6, 2008


I’m not a very neat or clean person. My roommate and anyone who has ever had the privilege to share a living space with me can certainly attest to that. However when I bought my bedroom dresser a few years ago my cleaning skills had a sudden transformation. It has more drawers and room than I know what to do with or have the clothes to fill which has proved very beneficial for me as the bottom ones are now filled with all the crap I don’t know what to do with. Company is coming over and I haven’t cleaned in weeks? No problem just dump everything in the drawers. Old bills that I’m too lazy to shred? Into the drawers with you! I must admit this unintended convenience has made my life much simpler. Don’t ask me what happens when there is no more room in the drawers; I’m currently living in denial about the possibility of that problem and would prefer to live in this delusion for as long as possible thanks.

I’ve realized I do this with my life too. Have a problem I don’t know what do with? No problem just dump the situation into my “I’m not dealing with this right now” drawer. Emotions I don’t know how to handle? Into the drawers with you! While my dresser drawers have actual physical dimensions these “drawers” have no defined space. So will there come a point when nothing else will fit and I have no choice but to take out all my junk and sort through it? Life is so much less complicated when I don’t have to process every little detail of it…but is that cheating? Am I not really living or am I just being smart and saving time and unnecessary hassle?

I think there comes a point when you have no choice but to clean. A point when the methods you are using to fix life are not helping anymore or might even be making things worse. Suddenly everything is overflowing and unless you want to live in a mess something actually has to be done. Over the past year I’ve started going through this tedious process of cleaning my life. I didn’t even realize I had so much junk in there until my overflow came through in an eating disorder.

During one of my rougher points so to speak someone pointed out this verse to me.Romans 7:18 -I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

Hmm…so there it was in black and white in the bible even that nothing good is there! Oh great so what now? How am I going to change if I can’t? (Sounds like crazy talk.)

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Somehow by the crazy grace of God He has been doing the cleaning of my life for me. Which I think is completely awesome! When I started trusting God and stopped trying to control or fix everything I started changing on the outside too. Don’t ask me how God does that. How trust and surrender equal transformation. Maybe He’s just that big…one of His great mysteries or something. I’m not saying I’m perfect now or that trusting God is easy or I even do that right but I do know is that my life has changed a lot since I made the decision to. And even though this room is nowhere near spotless (and never will be) there isn’t as much crap hiding in drawers either!

Luke 17:33Whoever clings to his life shall lose it, and whoever loses his life shall save it.

No comments: